Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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