ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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