Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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