Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
