i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
