where am i from again
No stitches, just platelets and will power
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
