He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
