A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
