You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
