When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
