You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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