my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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