Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
