Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
