She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
