I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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