break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
