That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
