I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize