Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize