I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
