I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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