i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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