Will you blow on my dice?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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