I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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