naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
