just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
