Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
