I'm really into asian looking animals
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Fuck appropriateness.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
