I need help removing her.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
