apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
