Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
