Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
