I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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