I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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