Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
