I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
