So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
