She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize