On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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