she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
