Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I will be naked everywhere
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
