i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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