He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
