Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
