call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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