I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
