When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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