i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
