like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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