I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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