Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
