I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
