I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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