his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My dick has a subreddit
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
