he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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