I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
