The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize