you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
