hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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