you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
